Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Thoughts || Living With Parents


   Okay folks, here we have the results from my "Living With Parents" polls! I have weighed in with a few of my own thoughts on this controversial topic and shared some tid-bits of what readers said. I hope you enjoy and learn from this post!

Out of 20 voters,
76% were female
23% were male

Out of 21 voters,
66% were 20-25
19% were 18-19
9% were 25-30
4% were 30 or older

Out of 20 voters,
80% live with their parents
10% living part-time with their parents
5% are on their own or with roommates
5% lived with parents until recently

Out of 20 voters who live at home,
95% help with chores
40% pay their personal bills
10% pay rent and/or help with bills
0% do nothing (good to hear!)



   There are several benefits to living with one's parents as a young adult. One is the opportunity to save money. Without the bills that go along with renting your own place, you can stretch out your paycheck, especially if  you work part-time.  Not all parents want their adult children to live with them rent-free, but may expect less payment than a landlord!

   Another good reason is to have the counsel and accountability of loving teachers. With Christian parents, a young person has spiritual leadership and godly wisdom close by. Wise parents will uplift their adult children and try to keep them from wrong. Their accumulated knowledge from years of experience are there for the young person to glean.

   I believe that girls especially benefit from living with their parents. Young men may want to establish their independence and prove their ability to care for a family on their own. Meanwhile, young women may want continued homemaking instruction from their mothers and physical protection from their fathers. Learning to navigate family relations could be helpful for future marriage.

 Those who choose not to live at home have their own multitude of reasons. They may find it difficult to mature and establish their adulthood while under their parents' roof. In some cases, the parents themselves want to encourage their children to grow by moving out. For others, moving out may be a necessity due to going to school out of town. Each one of us is a unique person with our own reasons for living with or without our parents.  

*                   *                    *

   My own experience living at home as a young adult has, on the whole, been a positive one.  The relationship I have with my parents is good, and we enjoy fellowshipping, serving and relaxing together. Being an only child has given me strong ties to Mom and Dad, as it has always been the three of us. Not everything is perfect, of course. We still get on each others nerves, and I am sometimes irritated if I feel that I am constantly being told how to do things. They also worry about me...a lot. ;) Nevertheless, I greatly appreciate the protection, guidance and care of my parents. 

 

Now let's take a look at what YOU said!


"I get a lot of raised eyebrows when people learn I live at home still but don't pay rent, etc. My parents have become very good about quickly mentioning that they are delighted to have me at home as long as I want to/am single...In my experience adults living with their parents can be difficult and awkward but also a huge blessing. Not many people can say that their best counselors are less than a second away!"

"I live at home, wouldn't be opposed to moving out if the opportunity came up (I would love to live with some of my girlfriends... I think that would be a good experience)."

"Going (way far) away from home the past years has forced me to do things for myself -- to get out of my comfort zone in ways that I wouldn't normally choose to do, and which my parents haven't forced when I'm home."

"We feel blessed that our sons lived with us until they were 26... We feel as long as you love each other and enjoy being together you should cherish the moments that you can with your parents or sons or daughters."

"I did the three months at school one month at home thing and it was hard and awkward. I gained so much confidence and independence in college (I mean, I had to. It was 1000 miles away). and learned a lot. I love my parents and missed them tons, but after my freshman year coming home wasn't the same."


   Many thanks to those who contributed to the discussion! Please feel free to share more thoughts below. "See" you next time!


My son, keep your father’s command,
And do not forsake the law of your mother.  
Bind them continually upon your heart;
Tie them around your neck. 
Proverbs 6:20 
King Solomon's counsel



16 comments:

  1. This was a really wonderful post, my friend...I voted but was unable to get around to commenting, my apologies! I too live at home as a stay at home daughter...this works so well for me as it allows me time and opportunity for growing my business without the stress of having to pay bills and such! Of course, I don't want to sponge off my parents, so I contribute by doing my bit in the home, helping with my siblings and their schooling as well as growing the food in our vegetable garden. I love being able to help and be with my family so much...I learn a lot! Sure, there are many times I get frustrated or irritated being with my siblings 24/7, but they say that if you can get along with those in your own family, you can get along with anyone - we have many different personality types within our family and have an interesting time getting along! {{smiles}} We love each other dearly, though! :)

    I agree with you wholeheartedly that it is wonderful having the protection and covering of my parents...they are much wiser than I am and I appreciate their Godly counsel....
    I trust that when and if the Lord sees fit, He will move me into a different season, but for now I am perfectly content living at home! {{smiles}}

    Thank you for sharing your heart on the subject, Paige...loved how you did this!
    Hugs,
    Kelly-Anne

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    1. Oh, no problem, life gets busy! :) I'm glad that you have also enjoyed your time at home. You are definitely not a sponge! ;)

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  2. Very well said. I recently moved out, on the same street as my parents due to getting a good neighborly deal, (the precious old lady really wanted to sell to me) and still having family close is really a blessing!
    And I agree that it's a good thing if a girl can stay in a godly environment (like home) while advancing themselves. A parent sending a girl out in the world to follow her own mind is in my opinion what creates alpha women. I've seen too many girls run from their parents homes right into the college world and soon after they look and act like the world, and stop going to church. So I think staying close to a parent's council and having that family social time is a very important influence to keep.

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    1. Hi Jeremy, just want to add to the discussion - I don't think that's specifically a girl thing or a going-to-college thing, I think it's a growing-up thing. :)

      Right out of high school when you find yourself with more independence/maybe not under the direct supervision of your parents, you come to a place where you have to decide for yourself what you believe. A lot of kids - guys and girls alike, whether they're still at home, moved out, or in college - find that they had never personally taken a hold of their faith in the first place outside of being raised in it by their parents, and either decide to separate themselves entirely from their faith or start a faith based on personal belief (that was me a few years ago).

      Paige did a really good job showing both sides and pointing out that God works in everyone's life differently when it comes to at what point they move out. So I think it's a sweeping generalization for you to say that letting a girl "follow her own mind" creates "alpha women"(?) - at some point, we need to separate our own beliefs from our parents in our own mind (2 Corinthians 13:5). There are definitely some good reasons to stay home for a girl, but I disagree that keeping a girl home so she doesn't think for herself is one of them.

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    2. You're right, thank you.

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    3. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Jeremy and Lauren, and also for keeping things civil! :)

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  3. Good summary Paige! I enjoyed reading about someone else' experiences and thoughts. In my experience there are pro's and con's to living at home as an adult but for the most part the pro's vastly outweigh the con's.

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    1. I'm happy that you enjoyed this post, and also that you are having a good experience living at home! :)

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  4. This was really interesting to read! Because of my current job, I don't live at home right now, even though I'm not really moved out of my family's house either. :) But I was so thankful for my time at home after graduating high school, and will appreciate any more time God gives me living at home. A household of adults yet still parent/child relationships does have its difficulties, but I think it's a great way God can use to grow us in communication skills and learning to have grace with one another, which will always be lessons well learned and helpful for the future. As long as we can keep being responsible and productive while living at home, I think it's a pretty nice place to be as a single.

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    1. I'm glad that you enjoyed this post Bethany. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It's true, there is a lot of learning about family relationships that goes on at home!

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  5. Paige, this was an awesome post! I love your balanced approach and how you pointed out that a young adult's choice to move out of their parents' house or stay is often a mutual choice with the input of the parents' heavily weighing a young adult's decision.

    My parents made it a rule that if we were eighteen or older and not currently attending college, we had to move out and get a job. That's why I moved out when I was nineteen after taking a break from college. And even though I'm going back to school this fall, I'm still living in a house with three other young ladies.

    I might add that living independently can also provide a lot of homemaking and home-keeping skills for young women. I have learned to budget and manage finances. I have learned to maintain, decorate, and clean my own home. I have learned to maintain and care for my own car. There are a lot of skills I might not have acquired otherwise without the motivation of monthly bills, work, and the responsibilities that come with having my own living space.

    Like you said, both living situations come with their own advantages. It's really up to each individual to determine what they need for this season of their life while taking into account the best way they can honor and love their parents.

    Thanks for this great article! Also, I love the new look of the blog. :)

    Dani xoxo
    a vapor in the wind

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    1. I'm happy to hear you enjoyed this post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's interesting that you seem to be the only person who has brought up the subject of parents desired their children to move. It's great that you have learned many skills!
      Thanks! I'm happy with how it turned out.

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  6. I feel you touched on every angle and presented this very well. I am glad you have a good relationship with your parents. I hope you continue to grow closer together and respect each other as adults. Nice photographs:)Stephanie

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    1. Thank you! :) Yes, I am very blessed to have this relationship; it is underestimated these days.

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  7. I lived with my grandparents until I was 24 (partly to help them out since they were not well). I know that is different than living with parents, but I loved it immensely. The bond that was created was beautiful. I miss them so much. Thank you for making me think of them <3

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    1. Oh, that's neat! You must have great memories of your grandparents. :)

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